In my wilder moments I sometimes tell people that I play golf. They may well conjure up images in their heads of Jack Nicklaus and myself laughing together over the round we just played, but the truth is that actually you’ll probably find me crying in a patch of overgrown wilderness with my club wrapped firmly round a sycamore and a score card that looks more like a selection of lottery numbers. Jack Nicklaus, on the other hand, who has never heard of me, is the renowned world champion golfer, and is quite good at it. I bet he’s never had an encounter with a sycamore and a patch of thistles.
When he’s not hitting birdies and eagles, Jack tends to also excel at designing golf courses, and he’s created quite a few. I just read somewhere that he has recently designed nine full courses for Polaris World. They’re all laid out nearby each other so that the lucky residents get to play through 162 holes. The article didn’t say how many sycamores there are on the course, but I’m pretty sure I’d fine most of them pretty quickly. Still, at least the lakes would be pretty to look at while wondering whether to risk diving in to find my ball. There is certainly something to be said for a lifestyle which involves living in luxurious Spanish properties, constantly bathed in sunshine, with enough golf to last a lifetime.
I wasn’t really thinking about overseas property myself, although I can’t say why. Like most people I think it’s just one of those things that other people do isn’t it? Those neighbours of yours that live two doors down and always seem to be off somewhere and even in the middle of winter they have deep rich tans that you pretend not to notice and secretly resent. They always seem happy too. Damn those neighbours. But what got me interested was the whole of idea of having nine new golf courses all nestled near each other. That sounds like any golfer’s heaven, whether your professional or an amateur. I class myself as an amateur personally. Some people don’t even think I have made it that far, but then everyone’s a critic.
This country isn’t quite like Spain, where apparently it rains mainly on the plains. In this country it rains mainly on the land, and as a result playing golf is a bit like water polo. You dress up in smart, sometimes oddball outfits, but at least clean. Unlike the television broadcasts of world class golfers playing in endless sunshine wearing t-shirts and sporting tans and big grins, playing golf over here is more like wading through mud and searching for your ball that has sunk to the bottom of another puddle.
So I have started thinking about the idea of moving to Spain and becoming a part of the lifestyle and culture we see advertised on television. I can’t just be me that thinks that the idea of walking down the steps from my stylish apartment, casually looking out to see to watch the cruise ships roll by whilst trying to decide which of the nine golf courses to play today, sounds like a good way to live life. What is also tempting me at the moment is that many of these overseas companies are offering free trips, so that you can see for yourself what it’s like. Apparently they’ll even let you play a round of golf. I feel less white just thinking about it.
Do you know what your house is worth? I had mine valued recently, and paid little attention to it. Then I saw one of those television adverts for overseas property with golf courses and sun, and couldn’t believe that the cheapest houses there were half the cost of my home, and for the price my house is worth I could get a grand villa! Imagine that - a grand villa in Spain with all that sun, a private balcony overlooking the mountains on one side and the blue ocean on the other, and 162 holes just crying out for me to try to sink a small white ball into them. And even more bunkers starting to get excited at the prospect of more company.
I know that the idea of moving there sounds too much like hassle, but then I keep looking out of my window at the gloom and grey, and think about how I get up in the morning. You know, I don’t even bother to open the curtains sometimes. There’s nothing much to look at except grey skies, gloomy faces and the rain dripping off the gutters onto the muddy patch that I laughably refer to as my garden. But I have an image in my head of how I would feel waking up in my own villa in Spain. From one window I would be able to look across at the ponderous mountains as they yawn their way towards the purple haze of the horizon, and in the other direction I would watch the yachts skip across the cheerful blue ocean. Apparently the sea is blue over there - imagine that, clear blue water on your doorstep that doesn’t mean you’ve been flooded.
I’m certainly very tempted to consider the idea of a free trip - after all, I have nothing to lose. I may even find that the more clement weather improves my golfing game. Perhaps I may even meet old Jack and challenge him to a round. The only thing that puts me off is the hassle, but then, it’s only once, and the satisfaction of having made it will be more than worth it. The adverts are certainly targeting this country a great deal, and it sounds as though they know what they’re doing. Like many people, I work from home which means that relocating means little more than moving all my gear. Except for my winter clothes; I won’t need them any more of course!